My plate is full.
I'm depressed and unmotivated.
Beginning to feel like a complete failure and have no direction in life.
Will it end...will I catch a break...is there an easy day on the horizon where I'm caught up and worry free?
Blah, blah, blah...we all have those days. Right?
I'm having one of those months, unfortunately. The worst part about it for me, is that I don't like talking about my problems. I don't like asking for help. I don't like not being so wrapped up in helping others that I have to help myself. I've experienced all the things I'm most uncomfortable with in the past few weeks, especially the past 7 days. Miserable could mildly describe it.
Then I received a phone call last night from a dear old friend. It was the metaphorical (aren't you glad I didn't use LITERALLY!) "laugh (or smile, in my case) in a sea of sadness." Since I moved away, we've had a hard time keeping our friendship alive and strong. But, we can always pick up and go with little awkwardness.
This just came to me...I do this with most of my friends. Well, the genuine, you know my secrets and I know yours, friends. People that I miss dearly and we all have busy lives. But, for some reason we pick up the phone and it's like no time has passed. I'm extremely thankful for those people in my life. I hope you all know that.
Anyway...back to my story. Yesterday I was in such a funk, it felt like the bad news was never going to end. Then I get this phone call that my dear friend is coming to town and wants to meet up this weekend. I smiled, I turned into a giddy little girl and Yea'd several times. Then, afterwards I realized I should be thankful for this day.
I didn't lose my home, pets, belongings, family, etc in a catastrophic tornado. My job may be the winter of my discontent (that will always be my favorite line from Reality Bites), but I have a job. My step-mom may have cancer and won't talk to me about it, but she's still here, I haven't lost her yet. My pride may have been crushed, but at least I have enough values to have a well-meaning sense of pride. My roommate may be losing her job and have to move away, but I made a lifelong friendship with someone who gets me and goes out of her way to remind me that people do care. Etc. Etc. Etc.
My point here is this: I know we hear it all the time, but be thankful for what you have. Even the bad stuff, because tomorrow you may have nothing, good or bad to be concerned about.
There are some very special people out there that are dealing with some very hard things right now. I love you all and please, Please, PLEASE let me be here for you. THAT is what I live for. That's what I need to help me feel like me again. And to further this process, here's my plan:
- I will begin working out again IMMEDIATELY
- I will stop being a hermit and go see me friends who need me
- I will save money and visit my far away friends
- I will do more of all the little things that make me happy (fostering pit bulls, reading, volunteering, going to the beach, spending time with amazing people, listening to live music, and now blogging!)
I could go on forever...but I better get back to that job that I'm thankful to have. Here's a funny, my supervisor and I had a nice laugh over this one. BTW...my job is not the best, but I have the greatest supervisor and coworkers EVER!
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